Emerging from the dark of night into the chaos of the afternoon is a stressful experience. For the most part, as of late, I've been living a nocturnal existence. While I am wakeful as the world wakes up after sunrise, I sleep while the world is most busy. I hide away from the prying eyes of the common folk in attempt to isolate myself from what corruption I can so easily. It wasn't until just recently that I realized how accustomed to the night I had become. The quietness, the cooler air, the confidence in actions, and the ability to rightly pursue those actions are all the result of being wakeful at a time when only as many people should responsibly populate a given area are also wakeful. In other words, the world around one's self is less crowded just before sunrise.
     Maybe it could just be that I am one for living out in the openness of the country rather than the city, but the desired to avoid the public en masse is ever growing stronger and I am to briefly wonder if I am developing some sort of anti-social personality disorder. I think this conflict with society comes from spending so much time dwelling deep within the recesses of my own thoughts and contemplations. At night, I may go to the store, for whatever I may need to acquire, and I free to walk about unhindered in such a way that allows me to keeps the majority of my thoughts elsewhere aside from the task of obtaining groceries--I don't have to focus on navigating through hordes of seemingly confused and directionless people.
     People change depending on where you go and what you look for and that is something that is worth keeping in mind through my spilling of these thoughts among whomever may be reading this. Everything here stems from a trip to Walmart I attempted on a Saturday at 1430 hours. Though this writing is brought about by that... adventure, this all is something I've been considering for some time now. It is simply confusion and "confusion" is the best word that, in my mind, describes what is happening at the base level of the society that I see here in the American southwest. Indeed it seems to be true that all around the world our priorities as the humans race are not, exactly, where they should be.
     And then there, driving among the throngs of people doing whatever it is they do on Saturday afternoon (or at least trying to get there), that I felt as though everyone around not only had lack of order in the list of priorities and thoughts, but also a complete ignorance that they were all a part of something infinitely larger than the football game they were determined to catch on the television. And I perceived that this uncertainty in the upper mind had oozed its way down to their basic levels of physical action and decision making. The way they push the shopping cart through the parking lot, the way they pull their kids out of the SUV, the way they change lanes when driving, and the way the first three people in the left turn lane when the arrow turns green all seem to radiate and air of uncertainty, or some lack of intrinsic power that tells the rational mind "I am doing this"  in a concrete and solid manner. To myself, watching almost as a third party while, at the same time, being fully immersed in the mental chaos, I felt as if everyone and their thought were made of Jello. This, however is something that cannot be solely blamed on the individual. If one were to play the blame-game, which is not a particularly constructive one by any means, you could say the insane amount of distractions are playing a role in the structural integrity of the muddy Slip n' Slide that our society is currently enjoying its downhill ride on.
     The distractions are everywhere and they permeate almost every level of being of mind that we can conceive. Cell phones, iPods, video games, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, billboards, posters, TVs EVERYWHERE, commercials, cars, fear-mongering, and obsessive envy of the other--all things that have brainwashed everyone into fooling themselves that loving thy neighbor, knowledge, and care for ALL things that support both their physical AND spiritual development are not the things that should be the top items on the list of concerns of their conscious, daily thought. That this is true can be seen when things such as cellular phones, or even basic things such as ELECTRICITY, become absolute necessity when, in absolute truth, they are by no means such.
     I know very well that I am not immune to this and that is a fact that can be proven by the knowledge that you are reading this now. I have slowly been trying to isolate myself more and more from the psycho-spiritual prison of modern society and it's mind-controlling distractions-from-truth but I am still present here, something you can know by the fact that your are reading this. I have, at least, almost completely cut myself off from popular culture and am about as literate in the Twilight saga as my 85 year-old grandfather, but it is a challenge to remain sane (if you want to call it that) amidst the Blitzkrieg of advertisements that permeate every corner of cyberspace. I also know that I am still very young and likely as naive as I am to think I'm not. Wisdom comes with age, and this body is not so full of age that I should consider myself a philosophical sage of any sorts. And after that little derailment I'm going to jump back to the topic that spawned it.
     I was immersed in the confusion of that Saturday afternoon when I realised just how far I had retreated from that world. I could barely take handle over the situation and I had to flee from it all. That I needed (wanted) milk was the reason I ventured out in the first place and Walmart was not the place I wanted to acquire it, as close to my dwelling as it was. I needed to go to a place where there was some sense of direction and solid decision of "I am doing this," and that place was the gas station. Where I went is of little importance. What is of importance in the mental energy that everyone radiates. I could FEEL the confusion and lack of direction that infected the masses of people around me. I could FEEL is stabbing at my brain like a rusty blade that only served to heighten my frustration. I was so accustomed having enough space to BREATHE and make my decisions with the kind of solidity that was lacking during the day that not having the room, or ability, to act with confidence (and kindness) without get 'stuck' amidst the actions of others less sure of themselves. My patience for negligence, rudeness, and ignorance has dwindled to a point that borders on narcissism, but I draw a fine line between my code of self-conduct and narcissism. But then again, I'd almost rather be myself and narcissistic than a hollow shell created by the brain washing mechanism that is popular culture.
     Everywhere we go we are told what is "good" and who is "bad". And everywhere we look there is someone or something telling us what to buy and what to want. We are told what is beautiful and what we want to look like. We are lied to about what is important and we are lied to in such a way every single day. It doesn't end. It's "a prison for your mind." You have to isolate yourself and protect your self from the spells being cast down upon your eyes and wake up. Staying beneath the warm pseudo-blanket will lead you only more swiftly to the demise of yourself, your surroundings, and the the unified world society as a whole.
     After all of these thoughts I yet keep in mind that I might simply be delusional. All of the books I read, the biases with which I listen to the daily news and read the daily reports from around the world, the blogs I read, and the things I hear from the people around me could very well be having a severe affect on my thinking and, if I am indeed delusional, my mental health. But despite that ever-present possibility I still cling on to the notion that crazy people don't know they're crazy. Sometime I find myself contemplating this idea and stumble into a never ending fractal spiral of logic and I must stop and make a hard choice as to where to settle.
     That fractal of knowledge IS knowledge in and of itself. Knowledge is infinite--it is beyond infinite--and is one of the three truly important things I mentioned earlier. To strive for knowledge is the yearning of becoming a higher being in all the realms that permeate everything we sense and everything we don't. Without knowledge a human is nothing, and with knowledge, a human can grow and develop as exponentially as that human mind is to desire. There is much to learn and more to understand, and that you have read this far is a sign that you understand, on some level, the importance of any sort of knowledge.
     And with that I find myself in a seemingly never ending search for sources and forms of information and knowing that I will not name here (just yet). I wake upon dusk and shun out the popular world that is seeping itself over an ever increasing area of our humble planet. I seemed to have formed, or am forming, a different system of logic and comprehension from what is common in this era and I feel ever more distant from the outside world as my mental chasms grow ever deeper with every bit of information I gather. But all of this at the same times as I am feeling more connected with others because I am beginning to comprehend the importance of people. When you take off the skin and the facades we are all extremely similar and contain all the same penitential should the individual desire to develop it. But, despite this, I currently have the notion in my mind that, at this point in time, I cannot change the world, and as such have lost the desire to do so.

     That doesn't mean I like to write any less, though. I feel better now having gotten blown off some steam from Saturday.
I'll go back into my cave now (and not work on my atrocious spelling and grammar)...